your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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