They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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