Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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