guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You can't motorboat a personality
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
