I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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