It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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