The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
