Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
