i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
