He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
