Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
