I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
