Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
