I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
