I met the friendliest cop last night
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
