oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
