lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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