Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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