Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
