Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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