Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
