Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
