I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
where are my eyebrows?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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