Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
