i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
