How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
