He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
