I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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