Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
