My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
