Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
