I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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