I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
