I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
