I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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