get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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