I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
