this beer tastes like vomit already
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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