Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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