thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
