i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
