hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
