Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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