conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
