Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
