I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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