That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
