I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
