I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
