If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
