I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
